How Habits and Happiness Are Partners in Life
Our habits. Not Theirs.
Every few weeks for the past eighteen years, I have made up a big pot of mixed spices, nuts, fruit, and grains that Del and I use as a snack, or sometimes meals.
For the first four years, I used a Teflon-coated pot and a spoon that wouldn't scratch the Teflon coating. The spoon was the perfect height for the pot.
Then, Del bought me a new pot, which I've used ever since. It's not Teflon and is about six inches taller than the first one.
But for the longest time, I continued to use the same spoon, even though it meant I had to reach down into the pot to get it.
It took me two years to stop using something that no longer worked for the situation and switch to something that did—a long spatula, bigger than the pot.
I was stuck in an unthinking habit.
I see this same pattern playing out everywhere in our world today.
When we used to visit my mother, she'd insist on watching movies and TV on the traditional TV schedule with commercials rather than using her streaming service.
No amount of persuasion would get her to agree to watch shows on demand, where we could avoid commercials and watch at our preferred time. Why? In her world, shows should be watched when they air, commercials and all.
I wanted to change her mind, and I tried to, but when I finally accepted that she was happy with her habits, I had to change my habit of trying to fix what she should do.
And really, it is our habits we need to examine. Not other people's habits.
Because it is so much easier to see the obvious choices for other people than the ones we make for ourselves, we get stuck trying to fix someone else, rather than ourselves.
As a coach, I often hear both sides of the story. Usually, the problem revolves around someone trying to make someone else into what they want them to be, or they are looking for a problem that doesn't exist.
Habits that don’t serve anyone.
We all do this. I do it too.
My habit of "correcting" creates tension where none needs to exist.
We must stop trying to convince others to change a habit just because we want them to.
We need to stop the habit of thinking that what makes us happy would make others happy, too.
We all get to choose what we want to do that makes us happy.
However, here's the deal with the spoon and the pot.
Too often, we don't notice what is and what is not working for us.
This is more important than ever in today's world of infinite distractions and notifications.
How many things do we continue to do because we've always done it that way?
This is where pausing and examining whether what we did before is what works for us now becomes essential.
This way, we can consciously choose the activities and resources that mean the most to us and not default to an old habit that no longer serves us.
Sometimes it is as simple as using a new spoon that works better in the pot, and other times it might be a decision about remaining in the idea that we know what's best for someone else, when we haven't taken care of our own habits first.
It's all about a life examined.
Regarding choices and habits, let's be clear about the ones we are making, choose the ones that make us happy, and let others make the choices that make them happy, too.
I'd better hop to it. I know I have some examining to do because things that used to work for me are not necessarily working well for me now. How about you?
The unexamined life is not worth living. - Plato
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